Monday, January 19, 2009

Moody

I have felt very moody lately, from sad to a just plain bad mood, and I'm not really sure why. I don't feel like I have been that way at all for the past 28 weeks, so I don't know why it would start all of the sudden. I don't like it and I want it to go away. At school we recently had two fathers of young girls unexpectedly pass away. One of them (just the other day), was the father of the two girls my sister-in-law has taken care of since they were born. They are very close with the family, who is devastated. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like... Then last night while I was waiting for Ted to get home I was watching Private Practice, which was about two children and a father ALL with cystic fibrosis. The older girl had an untreatable lung infection and was going to die and if the father went in to be with her, he would catch it and die, leaving the 2 year old orphaned. The father chose to go in and be with his daughter. I sat and bawled. So last night in my dreams (nightmares) I had the lung infection and was told I was going to die. I woke up with so many emotions... incredible sadness, anger, disbelief, and on and on. And then I think about my two friends that did have to face that. One didn't have time to think about it, as she passed away in her sleep, but my other friend did. It seems like the biggest injustice in the world. I'm reminded of my last conversation with her, as she told me to live my life with no regrets, as she had. So enough with negative feelings, there's too much to be happy about. I'm off to get ready for my ultrasound.

2 comments:

dmelen said...

Its so hard dealing with all the emotions that come at you. Being a mom, even a pregnant mom, everything is just more real. The emotions of a mom are more "raw" then someone woman that isn't a mother. I never "felt" so strongly until I came a mom. It is hard to explain. I sorry you are having gray days, if there is anything I can do, let me know. Or just call, stop by and let them all out. Its the best way to heal. Hang in there,
Dawn

mom31146 said...

Oh, Jodi...I don't know what I can share to ease your feelings...but I can try to break it down...first and foremost, I am surprised that you have not had these emotional swings earlier....the hormonal changes, are huge!I can recall with Jared especially...the mood swings were unreal.....I was always me..but..I recall just feeling so down..then euphoric..then so sad...It may be you are a caring person and when you hear of an unexpected sadness it is difficult to digest. I read of the young man who passed away leaving the two little children. That is so tragic...one just never knows. Which leads me to your second thought, and I think I know who you are referring to...and she was right...no matter when, if fate were to deal a blow to you, if you have lived your life to the fullest in all respects...hard work, hard play etc. you will have no regrets...you have made the right decisions and you are at peace...as I believe she was. It is always more difficult for those left behind...why am I still here, and they are gone...but that is out of our control. Just live every day to the fullest..enriching all who you hold near and dear...and right now...be happy! You and Ted have produced a life..which I know you will enrich with love, family, and all that is near and dear to you both. I think I sensed some of this sadness when we spoke recently...I'm sorry I didn't speak to you about it...I will next time it occurs...Love you...SMM