Monday, January 19, 2009
I have felt very moody lately, from sad to a just plain bad mood, and I'm not really sure why. I don't feel like I have been that way at all for the past 28 weeks, so I don't know why it would start all of the sudden. I don't like it and I want it to go away. At school we recently had two fathers of young girls unexpectedly pass away. One of them (just the other day), was the father of the two girls my sister-in-law has taken care of since they were born. They are very close with the family, who is devastated. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like... Then last night while I was waiting for Ted to get home I was watching Private Practice, which was about two children and a father ALL with cystic fibrosis. The older girl had an untreatable lung infection and was going to die and if the father went in to be with her, he would catch it and die, leaving the 2 year old orphaned. The father chose to go in and be with his daughter. I sat and bawled. So last night in my dreams (nightmares) I had the lung infection and was told I was going to die. I woke up with so many emotions... incredible sadness, anger, disbelief, and on and on. And then I think about my two friends that did have to face that. One didn't have time to think about it, as she passed away in her sleep, but my other friend did. It seems like the biggest injustice in the world. I'm reminded of my last conversation with her, as she told me to live my life with no regrets, as she had. So enough with negative feelings, there's too much to be happy about. I'm off to get ready for my ultrasound.